Pick Up Yourself 2

Life is hard.

What started off as a great week ended with me waking up with a headache on Sunday.

Monday: After changing my mindset on Sunday night, I woke up on Monday with no headache at 9am naturally (I couldn’t sleep til 5am the night before, so I was pleasantly surprised that my head didn’t hurt). I followed my schedule (except for doing laundry in the morning since I slept so late but it worked out because it rained later in the afternoon and my clothes would have been drenched- life does have a way of working out that way) and had a great end to the evening where I PTFOed by midnight.

Tuesday: woke up at 8am- no headache. Ready. I did my laundry and went for my driving lesson. The toll of last week was still on me and my mind and body were telling me that they wanted to get out of Singapore- take  a little break. Honestly? I had nothing to lose. I have no job, no real commitments here, so leaving wouldn’t hurt me in any way. I talked to a couple friends in Bali who all urged me to go visit them and stay with them “for as long as [I’d] like”; thus I YOLO-ed and booked my tickets to Bali for 9 days (it started out as 3 days)- I leave tonight!

Wednesday: woke up at 8am- no headache. Content. Went for my driving lesson, watched tv shows and waited for my bestie to come over so we could watch The Bachelor and hate/love on the women.

Thursday: woke up at 8am- no headache. Excited. I had my driver’s test at 11:05. A little bit of nerves, messed up a couple times, but it was my lucky day and I passed! I realized it’s all about your personality and how you carry yourself in front of the tester that counts. Singapore is probably one of the hardest places to pass your practical driver’s test, so you just gotta be super friendly and you’ll do just fine:) I had a celebratory lunch with the bestie, went home to chill and left again to send her off to Malaysia in the evening. I then prepared for my interview on Friday,

Friday: woke up at 8am- no headache. Happy. Went for my interview which went well and I’m waiting to hear back to move on to the next stage. Journeyed a couple stops to the east to visit my friend and chant at her Buddhist temple, met with another friend whom I haven’t seen since the beginning of February and caught each other up on our lives. I had a bodypump class at 5:45pm and hot yoga at 7:30pm- I will never do back to back classes like that again- still sore today! Dinner at Cocotte with relatives and home!

All in all up til Friday I had a great week. The only down side was I had so much trouble falling asleep! I think this is mostly due to the fact that I still have so many questions roaming around in my head that it’s really affected my ability to fall asleep. I could lay there for hours but be wide awake. Monday and Friday night were the only times that I fell asleep instantly. It’s always a problem when you have unanswered questions because it really just eats you up on the inside, but luckily that didn’t affect my energy for the next couple days.

Saturday- woke up at 7:30am. Relaxed. I was running errands in the morning (I managed to sell my DSLR camera for $500! Money for my Bali trip) and met up with a relative in the afternoon. It was a nice lazy day when I found out some things about the guy that I was seeing- we’ve stopped talking because he fucked up what little trust I had in him. It was clear to me though that I still missed him. I missed having someone to banter with, I missed hearing about his awesome days and I missed his presence. The miss I had for him had not faded at all. But when I found out what I found out, the immediate question was: did our talk mean nothing to him? Did I mean nothing to him? Then: why the fuck does every guy I date always somehow find some kind of interest in other girls? Why am I not good enough? Hurt does not even come close to describing how I felt. With questions zooming around my head and the weight back on my shoulders, I went home hoping to curl up and cry my heart out. But my aunt was home and I haven’t seen her the entire day so I made myself go downstairs and accompany her. Turned out to be a great talk about our family history. Still, the weight was on my shoulders but I managed to get some sleep.

Sunday: Dread.
7:30am- my body clock has somehow adjusted itself to waking up at that time. I woke up and my eyelids felt like bricks when I tried to open them. I felt nauseous and I was sweating profusely. I changed positions and went back to sleep.
8:30am- my alarm rang. Squinty-eyed, I texted my sister telling her I couldn’t make yoga because of how sick I felt. I shook my head and BAM the pain hit. I tried to go back to sleep.
10:30am- my alarm rang again. Slowly I opened my eyes- still heavy. Shook my head- still in so much pain. Still felt a bit sick. My shoulders were sore, my lower back was sore and my ankles were sore. I felt like one entire week of happiness and positivity just went down the drain.

Til now as I’m writing this post, I still feel weak and shat on. It’s a horrible feeling when you feel like you’ve had such a great connection with someone at one point in your life but he/she just cuts you off or does something to show you that you really never meant anything to them. Right now, how I feel physically reflects my mood. Mentally? I’m really trying to stay positive.

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