Holy CRAP it’s been awhile. Between exploring Singapore, going to the gym, finding a job and working, I’ve had zero time to myself the past five months. When I did, I would spend the day lazing in bed catching up on TV shows, but even that would just be a once-a-month thing. Now that 2014 has ended, I figured this would be a great time to start blogging after my hiatus, starting with a recap of the past year.
2014 was the year where I learned about my capabilities and limits.
Limit: A couple weeks into January, it become apparent to me that I constantly think about how people I’ve just met perceive me. I guess there’s a specific time and place that this happens, for example, if I just met a group of people and we have to work together for a couple days. Or if I just started my new job and I don’t click immediately with my colleagues. I think it’s the unfamiliar settings that put me at edge, where I place the pressure on myself to not act stupid and pretend to know everything. This is when I begin to eat myself up from the inside, because I want to act like I know everything when I actually don’t. AKA I just want to be loved. Yeah, that’s something I still need to work on.
Capability: I also learned to give less shits in 2014. This was my last year in university, and this was the year where I realized who my true friends were. I decided to stop caring about those people who clearly did not give a shit about me and slowly cut them out of my life. I feel like this is a step that people have to go through in life- having a gazillion friends is nice, sure. But if those friends are constantly spewing negative thoughts into your life? If they care about you on the surface, but only because they want you to like them and still do shit behind your back? Definitely not worth your energy. There was a huge deal made when I decided to tag along with a different group of friends for my senior trip instead of the group I hung out with for the past three years. Things were said behind my back and fakeness was in the air. Come on guys! We are all adults here and we are free to make our own decisions!
Capability: 2014 was the year I started to like the term YOLO and live by it. My friend and I would book last minute trips to Cinque Terre, Interlaken and Paris, crossing off things on our “places-to-see-in-Europe” list. We would order seafood, drink wine by the bottle and hike to our content. I would care less about spending money and more about creating memories- I used to be so anal about money, but realized it can all be earned back so why worry about it now? After coming back to Singapore, I was lucky enough to have a great group of friends here (aka two amazeballs girls) who would take me out to party, eat, drink, do sports, and just live life. We all just YOLOed together and have been living happily ever after since. Capability: On the topic of giving less shits and YOLOing, I came to Singapore worried out of my mind about not being able to find a job. I came back September 3 and started my first official full-time job on October 1. Even I was amazed that I could find a job in such a short amount of time. I think the secret (it’s not really a secret actually…) is to write it down, say it enough and you will get it. For example, I would constantly tell myself and others: my goal is to find a job before I turn 23 at the end of October. And I did! Of course I had to work for it- network and apply online. Either way, I was employed. Funny thing is, I then quit that job on December 31. I worked at a local Public Relations agency in Singapore for 3 months. I wouldn’t say I hated it- I’ve always wanted to do PR and after 3 months of it, realized it wasn’t something for me. I could excel it- it’s not a hard job. Anybody could do it- you definitely do not need a college degree for it. All you need is interpersonal skills, a hard head, a lot of tolerance for fake shit, and you’re good.
So here I am, jobless and moneyless, still trying to find my way in a life that I will always love. Since I have nothing to do these days except for apply for jobs, I will hopefully start blogging more regularly.
P.S. All gifs from whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com