My 5k Internal Battle

Today I ran a 5k. Okay- I attempted to run a 5k.

I attempted to run from point A to B.
I wanted to run from point A to B.

See, the thing you gotta know about me is that I despise running; I would rather walk everywhere than have to run. But as an Act of Courage (AOC) to myself, I wanted to run from Orchard road back to my house. To me, it is not about the calories I burn, but it is more about being able to overcome my laziness, get off my ass, and actually do what I set out to do; basically, it is about following through with my plans and being disciplined. My whole life, I have done things halfway and stopped- playing the piano, the clarinet, swimming, softball, tennis, etc. I have never followed through with anything. But today, I followed through.

It’s kinda funny because just this morning, well noon, I woke up and told myself
“screw it- I slept at 5:30am yesterday, I am not running today. I will just walk the distance.”

2 hours before I decided to run, my aunt tells me that she will be driving to Orchard and she can drop me off at 3pm. I told her
“I think I will walk.”

1 hour before, I asked my sister what to do. I was having so many internal battles- should I do this today? I can always push this back and do it this weekend. I mean I already ran a 3k on Sunday, shouldn’t that be enough? I can just walk today… I was basically just being a lazy bastard and avoiding having to do this AOC.

But my sister told me this:

2013-07-18 02.43.28

It was the “I say just run it” and “Do it” part that really just made me get up, change, and walk out the door. Even though it was drizzling and the sky looked dangerously dark for 3pm, I got in the car. As my aunt was driving, I was expressing how scared I was to have to run back. But thinking back, I did not actually feel any fear or dread; instead, I was neutral leading up to the run. So this actually shows that when you already accepted the challenge (for me, it was writing down that I was going to do this run), there really is no more fear because you already overcame that in the initial part. So I got off the car and started to run.

It felt great. I was so happy that it was drizzling and cloudy because that made the weather so much cooler and bearable. Usually, at 3pm, Singapore is so freaking humid and sunny that you can’t even walk ten steps without soaking your shirt. Even at night when I was walking to the bus stop, I started sweating. So this was actually perfect running weather.

So I ran and ran; I tried not to think too much, because I know if I did, my devil would be coming out and telling me to stop. Up until the Farrer road, I was doing great. But leading up to the bridge, I was really starting to feel the strain on my body. So I stopped at 3.11km. Biggest mistake ever.

I know I could have kept going, but something took over me and I stopped; I started walking. As I started walking, I realized that I’m not even completely out of breath! That I could have kept going. But ya’ll know that once you stop a pendulum swinging, it takes awhile for it to start back up again. So when I did finally “start back up”, I would run a bit, then stop, then run a bit, then stop.

I could say that I will try this run again to see if I can go the whole way, but we’ll see. I am not promising anything yet, but I am definitely thinking about it.

The results.
The results.

How many of you have internal battles who take over when you get to weak to fight them? It is so hard to resist, but you have to keep fighting. You can start small, but once you commit and overcome a barrier, make sure you stay there and don’t look back. I am proud of myself that I actually got up and ran today- that I fought and beat it. But the next step would be to run the entire way without stopping, because I know I can do it.

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5 thoughts on “My 5k Internal Battle

  1. Suggestion on blog posts – there should be a contents page to see what you have written about on the side so that i dont have to browse through everything to see it. Also, what’s your weekly hit target to achieve? ;) Great job and well done – I really enjoy reading your thoughts!

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